Communication: The Lost Art

Most of us talk to people throughout our day, but how many of us successfully communicate? Whether it's spoken out loud or silently written; communication is a huge part of our lives and completely unavoidable. So, why are there so many people that are, to put it bluntly, just plain bad at it?

Communication is defined as the imparting or exchanging of information and successfully conveying or sharing ideas and/or feelings. Miscommunications are often the cause of many issues. Important tasks go undone or are done incorrectly because instructions were not clearly communicated; friendships and relationships are broken apart because a tough conversation was altogether avoided or executed poorly. Things that can be devastating or life changing are often preventable with proper and effective communication.

Communication, whether done poorly or effectively, mainly consists of three things: words, tone, and body language.

Words

The words we use are by far the most important aspect of communication and possibly the most challenging for some people. Finding the right words to say in certain situations can be tricky sometimes and some of our less filtered friends may not struggle finding the words they want to use at all. Either way; we should always be mindful of the power our words have. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 18:21. The words you use when communicating with someone have the power to either bless the conversation or down right curse the whole thing. Speaking in a positive fashion using kind words and speaking clearly has a way better impact than speaking negatively or belittling someone to get your point across.

For example, if you’re having spat with a friend and you’re not sure what’s wrong you could say “Hey, I’ve noticed things have been a bit off between us lately, are we okay?” As opposed to “Hey, you’ve been weird what’s wrong?”

The first question shows that you’re not blaming the other person, you’ve just made an observation in your friendship, and you’re genuinely concerned about the state of the relationship; this opens up an opportunity for two of you to discuss each others behaviors and feelings peacefully. The second question however blames and shames which could in turn shift the conversation into a more defensive route.

Every day we should strive to choose our words carefully and wisely. The world was created when God spoke; that same power lives within us. Our words can build someone up just as quickly as they can tear someone down. Speaking poorly of someone; complaining; cursing; spewing hate - can drain you, cause chaos in your own life and possibly end someone else’s. However, using kind, encouraging, positive words has the power to calm a situation, clarify a misunderstanding, or even save a life.

Tone

It's not always about what you say, sometimes it's how you say it. "The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit" Proverbs 15:4

Our tone plays a huge role when communicating with someone. Like the words we choose to say, the tone we say them in matter just as much. I say to my child all the time. "Watch the 'tude dude!" What a lot of people fail to realize is that you can say all the right things but if the delivery doesn't match, then the conversation is null and void. Let me explain, you will communicate more effectively if you have a calm tone, sometimes even stern, when necessary; but when you get into "the harsh tone zone" you'll turn the conversation down a negative path. Not only is it disrespectful and rude to yell or (as my mom used to say) have an attitude when communicating with someone but it also makes the other person defensive to anything you say and, in some cases, just shut down and stop listening altogether. A good rule to go by is simply speak to others in the tone you would want spoken to you.

Body Language:

When communicating, words and tone are super important when it comes to expressing ourselves successfully, but no matter how gracefully you speak your body language must always match! When communicating using all the right words and the perfect tone we have to pay attention too to what our bodies are doing.

Ask yourself these questions:

Am I making eye contact? Now, I understand that eye contact may be uncomfortable to some people, but I'm not saying stare into their soul, but at the very least, look at the person you're talking to. Have you ever had someone speaking to you but not really looking at you? It's weird, impersonal, and rude.

Am I distracted? Are you giving the person you're communicating with your full undivided attention? Nowadays we tend multitask for everything but a conversation is not "just another task to get done" especially a tough one. Put the phones away, turn the tv off, and give in to complete human interaction.

After taking all of these things into account when communicating the most important aspect of communication is the one thing we often forget how to do—active listening. Not listening to simply hear, but listening to understand. Too often we want to express what we feel about a situation or only portray our point of view during a conversation making it one sided. Actively listening to what the other person has to say helps us understand one another better and can also be helpful when getting to know a person or a situation. God gave us two ears and one mouth; “Be quick to listen and slow to speak” James 1:19. We get so focused on wanting others to listen and understand us and where we are coming from that we completely disregard the other person. It’s selfish really.

Last but not least-one more crucial part of body language while communicating or active listening-fix your face!

If you’re anything like me; your mouth may be muted but honey, your face is blasting subtitles.

Relax your eyebrows, stop rolling your eyes, and smile more. You know, you use more muscles to frown than to smile, your own “RBF” is causing you wrinkles.

In a world where we are constantly online, endlessly connected and have unlimited access to education (everything you need to know is on the internet); I cannot wrap my head around the fact that we’ve forgotten how to successfully communicate. It's a simple as using positive words with a smooth tone and body language that shows you care.

I challenge you this week to communicate with someone in your life-in person with no distractions, or if you’re feeling that pull, I encourage you to have that tough conversation. Whatever it maybe with whoever it may be.

Until next time friends.

Father God,

Thank you for allowing me to write about lack of communication and how we can improve. Thank you for the many opportunities you’ve given me to practice the lost art of communication and the opportunity to share this knowledge with others. Lord I pray for the restoration of communication among your children; allow us to communicate and to listen and understand one another. Father, I pray that we learn to not only communicate with each other but also with you; our creator, our protector, our provider. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray;

Amen